sebenernya ... the recent 14-hr days in front of the computer are not enough to shy me away from updating my blog ...
sebenernya ... doing yardwork every weekend does not really make me too tired to update my blog ....
tp apa daya, tetep aja malesss ... no, I ran out of excuses. kali ini bener2 karena lagi super be-te sama keadaaan dunia kantor.
so let me tell you a story (skalian curhat). career-wise, terus terang I've been quite successful. no, ini bukan dlm rangka narsis, bukan karna ge-er & besar kepala, bukan karna pamer. di kantor, people have applauded me to become where I am in the time span of <10 years. secara biasanya (termasuk bos-bos gw) it takes them at least 20 yrs from being a college new hire to where I am now.
initially, I was happy. I actually love what I do, and the people that I work with were not bad. or so I thought.
howerver, recently I have this 1 co-worker that's been waging war against me. the sad thing is that I used to regard her as my protege. when asked by my boss to identify my possible replacement (since I'm moving up the career ladder), I actually told him that I wanted her to replace me.
ternyata ... it ended up biting me in the ass. first of all, this bitch complaint to her boss' boss' boss that I've been going over her head in making technical decisions. and then in several meetings now she keeps cutting off my technical judgements and presenting her own.
it's hard ... it's hard for me to keep my cool, to bite my tongue and hold myself back from smacking her little pretty head. I keep reminding myself not to appear defensive, as it will present myself as being "overly emotional", or worse, as having a catfight. a classic No-No for working in an environment dominated by men.
yet I'm starting to be gripped by fear. would people actually prefer her technical opinions when compared to mine? and if they do, is it because she's blonde? and thin? and pretty?
I've tried talking to her, asking if there's a reason behind her evil actions against me. only to be answered by an innocently prettified answer of "oh no, Arianne, why would I do that? you're my hero!". fucking crap. hero my ass. heck, I'm starting to write with swear words like Yodee.
how should I keep my cool? I know better not to fall apart emotionally just because of this one single bitch. but I can't help wanting to cry everytime she rips me apart in meetings. how is it possible that one person can make me feel as if I'm hated by the entire workplace? how do politicians live their life? I don't see Hillary Clinton falling apart after being criticized by her enemies, even after finding out in public that her husband cheated on her. how does she do it?
right now all I wanna do is to crawl into a shell, hide there and never comes out. what is it that keeps politicians going in the face of heavy criticism? if I ask myself the question of why I work (at this very moment), my answer would be: just for the money. but I'm sure it won't be enough in the future ... I know I want to have a good career.
hmmm ... maybe Grace should establish her architecture office, and I can go back to school to get my MBA in Finance and be her CFO. hmmm? hmmm?
sorry for the bad mood, my beloved blog readers. soon, soon, I promise to write topik yg seru-seru.
